Today, as 10 nights passed, I come up with some weird thoughts. How if, and how if.
I put on my helmet that night and I locked it. If I forgot it that day, just like things I tend to forget, often, this night could be hard night for my mom. She could be crying all night, and my dad could be in one room in a hospital. I can't even imagine that. Mom had ever told me that, she never wants to see one of her kids die before her. How about me? She also had ever said, "I can't imagine my life if you are not around", "How will your dad and me face the days ahead", she added.
I cried and screamed so hard that night, part of it is because the wound and burnt were so freaking painful, and the other part is because I was so scared to death to be dead! I can actually deny that there is part of myself that keep say "Alhamdulillah...Alhamdulillah...Alhamdulillah...", and on our way to hospital that night, I kept saying to myself "Alhamdulillah...Oh..dear God.. You still give me another shot", and all of my stupidities in all the years tracing on my head, and I was thinking, "You just forgive me...Please dear Lord", and I cried like a baby and my mom grab my hand so tight to comfort me.
Start from that day, I made up my mind. Dreams can never manipulate my life anymore, it's for me as a motivation, not a soul. I will chase my dream, and will never stop until I get it, I am B-type, and I mean it. But this time I do it different way.
Most of my close friends and family said that this accident gives something good for me, to have a break. To have some me-time is something, that as far as I can recall, I never have for almost a year straight. I was like a robot. Teaching from 8 in the morning until 9 pm. But, since I don't die yet..this 10 days straight were all for me and myself, getting a long break and do nothing but for myself. I love it, even the pain is...ugh... But there's nothing's free in this world, my long break this time has to be paid with blood, literally blood. haha
I love what I have now, and I am just that lucky...
Thanks Life... :)
16/12/2013
I put on my helmet that night and I locked it. If I forgot it that day, just like things I tend to forget, often, this night could be hard night for my mom. She could be crying all night, and my dad could be in one room in a hospital. I can't even imagine that. Mom had ever told me that, she never wants to see one of her kids die before her. How about me? She also had ever said, "I can't imagine my life if you are not around", "How will your dad and me face the days ahead", she added.
I cried and screamed so hard that night, part of it is because the wound and burnt were so freaking painful, and the other part is because I was so scared to death to be dead! I can actually deny that there is part of myself that keep say "Alhamdulillah...Alhamdulillah...Alhamdulillah...", and on our way to hospital that night, I kept saying to myself "Alhamdulillah...Oh..dear God.. You still give me another shot", and all of my stupidities in all the years tracing on my head, and I was thinking, "You just forgive me...Please dear Lord", and I cried like a baby and my mom grab my hand so tight to comfort me.
Start from that day, I made up my mind. Dreams can never manipulate my life anymore, it's for me as a motivation, not a soul. I will chase my dream, and will never stop until I get it, I am B-type, and I mean it. But this time I do it different way.
Most of my close friends and family said that this accident gives something good for me, to have a break. To have some me-time is something, that as far as I can recall, I never have for almost a year straight. I was like a robot. Teaching from 8 in the morning until 9 pm. But, since I don't die yet..this 10 days straight were all for me and myself, getting a long break and do nothing but for myself. I love it, even the pain is...ugh... But there's nothing's free in this world, my long break this time has to be paid with blood, literally blood. haha
I love what I have now, and I am just that lucky...
Thanks Life... :)
16/12/2013
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