What it means to be a listener..

Growing up in a huge family and as the youngest has led me to a walking written journals. I was trained to remember every detail, every story, every thing involved in the chaos life of my big family. 

Being poor is a thing, but to see people poorer than us and have empathy at the same time!? Well, not everybody is equipped with that. I have seen how some people fortunate enough to change the circumstances of their lives, changing from the poor to the rich, but lost in the way by loosing empathy and care. Me, on the other side, I am lucky, at least that's what I believe, to have parents who always believe that they have more than enough. 

I can clearly recall how the relatives from my hometown stuffed in our small-already-full rent house once they arrive in the town in the pursuit of better life. I remember how my mom being so busy preparing great lunch and dinner on every occasion when they were people from our hometown arrive in our place. I always felt amazed how my parents were always there listening to every story, every complain, every excitement their relatives shared without getting fully affected. Their level of sympathy and empathy are just enough, to make their talkers feel safe, and to become stronger every time all the story stops. 

Just a couple days ago, I had one of my colleagues told me that "You know what? You're always like an empty bucket every time people tell them their story. Stop doing it! Don't get too indulge in the situation like that or you will end up so tired and fed up. It will ruin you and your life". I was stunned. I wasn't fully surprised. I mean, all this time I know that but I never know that people see it. It's like you were blind and walking by the edge of the cliff, and someone try to grab your hand and tell you, "Hey.. you're in danger, walk further off the cliff!". It fells like I was being saved. How powerful those words could be. 

And now, I do aware of how my friends, close or not close always reached me every time they have like the worst stories to share. They pour "their hurting stories" in "my empty bucket" and voila.. My empathy was always too much, I got drowned some times. I remember, one time, I needed to keep a "dangerous story" my self for weeks, and it ruined my days. I was devastated, I was frowned, cried all nights, to the point where I loose some weights. I was a terrible "feeler". I feel too much and it's energy-wrenched. 

I heard, or I listened way too much today, it starts affecting or sucking my energy! I am so doomed! I was so tired I could have a 4-hour nap! No lunch, and I was okay!

No way! I should be more self-aware and start to learn to say No..

MOn.. this is too much! look after yourself.

When I met Grace on Easter Day

It was still an Easter holiday in a bright Fall season, 2016.
I didn't know what I was thinking. That morning, after finding out that my banana plantation was getting crushed by the either the bush turkey or the possum, I googled the closest beach from my place. and I got it. The picture of the pier extended to the dark orange and blue sky. It caught my eyes, and that decision became one of the best decisions I have made in my life. 

Train selfie hey

I got ready, check the train track to reach it. I had nothing in mind, but getting there pretty soon. What was I thinking. The journey was long enough to contemplate. It was rough day for me. The uni works were sucks! Assignments after assignments and I have this huge dissertation I had to finish in two months ahead. 

There were not so many people in the train. It was Sunday, and just before I knew it. I was there at the station. Only few people left. It was  quite a late morning there. I started to look around and checked my Gmap. What else could I rely on. I crossed the park. I didn't pass anyone on the park. It was peacefully quite. Maybe people decided to have a good longer sleep on that Sunday morning. The road got a bit steeper then. And when I felt like it was the highest point of the street, I saw it. I saw the beach and right there.. and there was the pier I saw in the pic I just googled that morning. 

I decided to buy fish and chips at the closest store, it's almost lunch time. Down I went to the beach.

Contrary to what I saw on the street. It was quite lively in there. It was not so crowded, but it seemed like some family were enjoying their holiday there. And I could see some people fishing by the pier. 

I sat by the beach to have my lunch. My eyes were right at the horizon, and surprisingly, I smiled.. I smiled and I realized that my problems were not significant. I was there all alone with my thoughts, my regrets, my realization, my self, when...

A little girl with long wavy  auburn hair walked close to me. He then run to her family and came back every once in a while. I smiled at her. She smiled back. Just when I thought I wanted to say hi, she said "Hello.." to me first, I replied "hi.." and tried to look over her family signing that if it is okay to talk to her. A beautiful lady who seemed to be the girl's mother smiled and nodded to me. A sincere smile she had. 

Then I got the courage to ask for her name. "Grace" said her.  I was there stunning at how amazing world works around us. How random great things happened around us without us knowing anything. She was so adorable and kind. She was the one that approach me first. She was in long-sleeve swimming suit, a great colour that turned her hair even more standing out. "You have beautiful hair", I said. "Thank you" answered her politely. This girl was an angel, God must send her to me to cheer me up, were all that I thought. But then, I wasn't ready for her next question. "What about your hair? Why do you cover it?". I was quite for a while, thinking. "It's what I want, I want to do it". Then we talked and talked. Until her mom came, and it seemed like they're ready to leave. I told her everything I discussed with her daughter. And what she told me was even more comforting. After everything I have faced in that place. Grace... showed me that miracle did happen sometimes. 

Who would have imagined that a 30-year old sad foreign woman found a company of a 5-year old girl
by the Shorncliffe Beach that Easter Holiday. Who would have thought that it's the girl who first kept approaching me to talk. I was a complete stranger. But every time I recall to this memory, I am always sure that sometimes when you thought that everything was impossible, it is when the universe comes in handy. It's just likes everything in this world conspired to make you stand again. I was so completely relieved that time. 

I saw those family leaving and to the pier I went. I took a long satisfying breath, the smell of the sea is always my favorite. I was saved that day by a young beautiful girl named Grace. I cherish this memory and somehow I love it too much that I keep drawing Grace character in my painting. Thank you Grace.. Thank you so much...

Banda Aceh, September 4, 2021