Growing up in a huge family and as the youngest has led me to a walking written journals. I was trained to remember every detail, every story, every thing involved in the chaos life of my big family.
Being poor is a thing, but to see people poorer than us and have empathy at the same time!? Well, not everybody is equipped with that. I have seen how some people fortunate enough to change the circumstances of their lives, changing from the poor to the rich, but lost in the way by loosing empathy and care. Me, on the other side, I am lucky, at least that's what I believe, to have parents who always believe that they have more than enough.
I can clearly recall how the relatives from my hometown stuffed in our small-already-full rent house once they arrive in the town in the pursuit of better life. I remember how my mom being so busy preparing great lunch and dinner on every occasion when they were people from our hometown arrive in our place. I always felt amazed how my parents were always there listening to every story, every complain, every excitement their relatives shared without getting fully affected. Their level of sympathy and empathy are just enough, to make their talkers feel safe, and to become stronger every time all the story stops.
Just a couple days ago, I had one of my colleagues told me that "You know what? You're always like an empty bucket every time people tell them their story. Stop doing it! Don't get too indulge in the situation like that or you will end up so tired and fed up. It will ruin you and your life". I was stunned. I wasn't fully surprised. I mean, all this time I know that but I never know that people see it. It's like you were blind and walking by the edge of the cliff, and someone try to grab your hand and tell you, "Hey.. you're in danger, walk further off the cliff!". It fells like I was being saved. How powerful those words could be.
And now, I do aware of how my friends, close or not close always reached me every time they have like the worst stories to share. They pour "their hurting stories" in "my empty bucket" and voila.. My empathy was always too much, I got drowned some times. I remember, one time, I needed to keep a "dangerous story" my self for weeks, and it ruined my days. I was devastated, I was frowned, cried all nights, to the point where I loose some weights. I was a terrible "feeler". I feel too much and it's energy-wrenched.
I heard, or I listened way too much today, it starts affecting or sucking my energy! I am so doomed! I was so tired I could have a 4-hour nap! No lunch, and I was okay!
No way! I should be more self-aware and start to learn to say No..
MOn.. this is too much! look after yourself.
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