The Perks of Being Freelance Teacher #1

Yesterday, I was teaching in one course I am employed in the town. There were only three 12-year-old boys who came to the class. This is a small class of 5 actually. I was in kind of bad mood and not that excited in teaching that day. My bad..

I asked them too do the task in the workbook when they started asking questions of words and sentences they didn't understand. Once they finished, I asked one of them a question since this one always be the fastest and the brightest in this class. "How old are you now?" I asked this boy who drew his attention right away to me. "12 years old miss...", he said. I started to ask him "Imagine yourself 15 years from now.. What will you be? and where will you be?". He didn't take much time to think and answered me in a snap, "In campus, studying". And then I confirmed.. "No...27 you will suppose to finish your study.. You be graduating your study that time. 

He added  "I will be in a campus, finishing my master degree in Stanford University!". This answer slapped me on the face and at the same time I mesmerize this young boy motivationn and dream. He stated his drem proudly. He even know where to go at this very young age. Oh Boy... I was smiling so wide that time, and kept saying "Awesome" in a number I can't remember. It was sure that I got this goosebump. I was astonished. This boy somehow told me not to stop trying. I couldn't stop link that GOd shows His Mighty that time. Wuhuuuuuu.... 

That  gave me an idea how to continue the class. THese boys are active boys. They like to move around the class. Then I decided to ask them to write 5 questions on a piece of paper and have it rolled. I was involved in this actvity. Then I gave each of the papers to each of them randomly. Every kid had to ask each question to anyone they like. 

I didn't know that this activity could be that great. We stood and moved around the class while doing this activity. To my excitement, even I myself enjoy this activity.

Here are their questions, mine is included of course.

Question me questions!

How we understand life as we understand ourselves

It’s been a while that I didn’t write. I mean not this kind of writing. I did write personal statements, study objectives, study plans, and all the craps like application form and stuff. Yeah... I did craps for my life. Instead, I kept doing it. I was trying to kill my joys inside me, trying to convince myself that I do love these kind of things. In fact, I’m exhausted.

There were some points in all past months this year, I wanted to scream,, so loud that I could loose my voice. But, I never did it. I did scream, so loud and painful.. Inside. I complained, felt sorry for things I kept loosing, for chances that slipt out of my hands like sands. I hate it to feel that way but I did.

All the past year I think I learned and acknowledged too many things; From loosing and letting go, from falling in and falling out, from remembering and forgetting, from cursing to praising. I know it I am not perfect. Nobody is.. yeah.. Perfect is nobody. Once you are perfect you become noone to be worth alive. You are death when you’re perfect since life is imperfection.

I saw too much, and knew too much that sometimes my mind and my heart could not take it all. It caused me dying. And these hard times that I got was somehow a precious lifetime experiment He ever sent me. He does want me to improve my whole life.

The last months I keep suspecting myself for thinking that maybe I’ve changed. I’ve changed to be someone I really did not want. From any jealousy I felt for people around me, from the good things people around me got, but I didn’t. But this night I’ve come to realize that there’s nothing wrong with that. That’s so human that every one expect something  better to be happened in his/her life. What is all wrong about that!? Why did I curse myself for feeling so.

And those jealousy was nothing wrong, not untill it shapes you to someone who is not actually you. And that jelousy almost drowned me the last two weeks. All the chances offered by government did give me terrible days, not dirrectly anyway, but it killed my days. While so many people took part and I reminded silent, my beloved one thought I was an idiot that I kept this brilliant chance to go astray.

For the sake of heaven, Never in my life I do something I do not like. Never and ever. But why do I have to? For letting they think I am a successful woman then? Who define that for whom? Your friends? Your neighbours? Your parents? Teachers? Counterparts? If so... Poor us! What life we are living now.. Noone can define something good for you but you. But why is it happened all of the time? Why do we let ourselves go out of the paths we built back then when we were so young.

This afternoon in my class my students asked me two questions out of ten questions I let them ask to each other. Instead, some were asking me. What is success for you and does it have something to do with happiness? I was kind of surprised by my own quick answer that led me stay in silent for a while after so. For me.. Success is when I stop wishing and wanting things to be happened in my life and pushing myself so hard to get it. My student laughed as I didn’t get my words either. Then I corrected my words quickly, “getting higher education”, I said. But does it really it? what then? How if I get it soon? Am I success?

Then I think my first answer is the right and honest one. Success is when you start thinking there is nothing wrong with your life. You feel grateful and that’s it. That is the success life as you know it. and happiness? Happiness comes along, always.

Some people who do not have faith in something superior than anything in this world might say, “You live only once, do whatever you do and do not regret for it. Everyone is gonna die though”. Somehow I agree with this idea, but I do believe in after life and strongly have faith that everything you do is gonna be questioned latter on when you die. So there is judgement day, at least for me, or you.. The ones who believe. And that only means one thing for me, a somewhat religious woman. It is a form of emerging these two idea of “you live only once” and “you need to consider everything you do coz you have to be responsible for it”. This is a point where sometimes I curse myself of being jealous to people. And this is also the reason why I always (I try) can alternate it to be something positive. To be my fuel of being a better person.

So... do we really know what life is? Or do we actually aware that it is us who can keep the evil inside us come out as evil or in more intelligent way, as gooddeed. Jealousy is like a hammer, but when you use it wisely along with chisel, you can turn an unuseful log to be a beautiful work of art.

song i love the most

the hardest Wednesday of the year

Clumsy adalah nama tengah saya untuk dua minggu terakhir. Kecerobohan demi kecerobohan berujung pada luka kecil dan besar. Mulai dari terantuk meja, kejedot pintu, kejepit tangan, tangan teriris cutter, kaki terjepit meja (kok bisa!?), sampai yang paling parah, terbakar knalpot. Babak belur dah... belum lagi, ini semua jatuhnya disaat lagi banyak-banyaknya kerjaan.

And the worst was the last Wednesday. Berangkat dari rumah udah yang pagiiii kali. Berharap sampe sekolah fresh lah ya kan. Mana ada! Tetiba aja hoyong saket kepala. Padahal hari itu jam ngajar penuh. Yasudir... tanggung jawab tho. Jam pulang kelas saya sekitar 12.30. Tapi berhubung anak-anak harus ditungguin untuk dijemput, yaaa... mau begimana lagi. Itupun minta bantuan co.teacher buat wakilin karena saya mau pulang cepat, karena jam 15.00 saya ada jam mengajar lagi di tempat lain. Dua kelas dengan durasi 1,5 jam perkelas. Dalam artian, saya harus persiapkan bahan mengajar pas waktu pulang.

Mengingat keefektifan waktu, meluncurlah saya ke rental dekat rumah dengan tujuan, siap nge.print ya langsung pulang. Sedang asik-asiknya edit bahan, jreng jreng.. telpon bunyi, panggilan masuuuuk Rupanya si Dindo Sarindo yang telpong. "Apa Nak!?" tanya saya. "Aloooot, Dinda saket kali ni, mau pulang, tapi gak bisa. Kartu izin keluar Dinda punya udah hilang" jelasnya panjang. Ya ampyuuun, that's only mean one thing. "Jadi!?", serobot saya. "Alot jempot Dinda lah lot. Kalau gak ada yang jemput gak boleh keluar..". Saya pun menjelaskan keadaan yang sebenarnya bahwa diriku akan mengajar lagi dalam 1, 75 jam lagi. Kapalo! Siap ngomong gitu, saya berasa tidak enak. "Yaudahlah Dinda.. tunggu ya"

Semua editan selesai, dan mulailah saya mengeprint dan meng.copy. Jugruk jugruk...jugruk jugruk bunyi printer meutuah punya abang rental. Hehehhehe.
Time to pay now. "Padup dek?" tanya saya sama si penjaga warung,.. edo do eee, warung!?
"16.000 kak", jawabnya. Dengan gaya santai kaedah saya buka tas cari uang.. genjreeeeeng... Ternyata oh ternyata uang yang ada cuma selembar 10 ribuan. Whaaaaaa. Saya tidak hilang akal, maka semua isi tas saya keluarkan disitu, di depan adek-adek(ntah iya pun adek, sang tuha jih ngoen loen) yang jaga rental. Ketemu... selembar 2000an, 2 lembar seribuan.. Kiban cara... 2000 teuk pat tamita. Kapalo!! jreng jreng.. Buka kotak pingsil. Ghegheghegeh.... ada recehan disana, satu koin 1000 dan 2 koin 500. PAS!! HOREEEEEEEE. Achievement. Survive donk.. Dah bongkar tas gini.

SEnang kaedah kawan, padahal masalah nunggu tepat 500 meter dari situ. Maka sountrack film horor pun dimulai. Auuuuuuuuuuuu (kaedah suara serigala)

Kencang laju motor kutancapkan kaedah.. Sampai tiba-tiba... Tiba-tiba... Dug..dug...dug.. Kamate honda loen di teungoh jalan. Alah mak oi, kiban nyoe. Dengan sigap (terlambat sigapnya neng) saya buka tanki motor, ngintip. Berharap ada satu dua tetes yang nyempil. Cukuplah buat sampe sekolah Dinda. Pan disana si Dinda pasti ada uang (alot mumang). Masih santai... Theeeeeng... begitu dicek, bek han sititep, me si.lieh ludah than. Kapalo lom... Kiban nyoe. Barulah panik menyerang. Liat jam, sudah 1.30. Buka lagi dompet, berharap ada keajaiban ada uang nyelip disana. Ceng ceeng. Padahal tadinya satu tas sudah dikeluarin. Ternyata uang pun sudah benar2 ludes. Panik memasuki stadium 2. Cek hp dengan niat mau telpon Dinda. Jegreng jegreng ternyata pulsa seretoh rupia. Nyan baaaaan. Kamekarat nyoe. Call me pun diaktifkan, dan termakan lah pulsa yang sudah tak seberapa mana itu. Sebelum saya sadar bahwa ternyata pulsa segitu bisa mematikan koneksi internet walaupun kuota masih sejuta sekalipun. Whaaaa. Sebelum koneksi internet mati, cuma satu kalimat yang sempat terkirim ke si Amsal, sepupu saya "Sal... tulong kak UPik".... di ujung sana, tepatnya di Lamreung, pesan masuk dan heniiiiing. Si Amsal pun tak bergegas jak telepon loeng, HIyaaaaaaak. Tertahe tahe lah saya disitu selama 10 menit. Berpikir dan menangis (feel helpless ). I was in the middle of nowhere. Dengoen aneuk di sikula saket.

Terlihat lah kiosk orang jualan pulsa. "Nyaaan...nyoe payah lake tuloeng bak gob mekat pulsa". "Memelas stadium akhir" activated, seraya memisahkan diri dengan yang namanya "malu" dan "integritas diri sebagai manusia dewasa yang hati-hati". Si adek meutuah itu pun... Tidak bergeming. "Maaf kak. hana jeut bantu", katanya. Dan tertahe tahe episode kedua bersambung, diselingi iklan moe moe iem. Entah si adek tu gak sanggup liat, ntah bingung, dia pun akhirnya bertanya, "Nomornya kak?". Whaaaaaaaaaaaaa. Achievement loem, Berhasil! Begitu pulsa masuk si Amsal pun saya telpon lagi. "Sal... pat kheuh?" tanya saya dan sambil menjelaskan keadaan.

Amaaaaan pikir saya sambil menunggu the hero coming to help. 5 menit...10 menit...15 menit.. Phat aneuk metuah nyan? Setiap ada anak cowok lewat saya kira Amsal. "Sal...nyopat kak Upik" teriak saya sambil dada dada... ternyata bukan. Sudah lebih 6 honda yang saya "salah sangka kan". Cape deeee.

Akhirnya saya pun menelpon Mamak. "O maaaaaaaak..." mulai saya sambil menjelaskan keadaan yang clueless dan hopeless itu. Hehehhe, tentu saja pakai iklan "tears of heaven" (beuh pane from heaven!!)

Akhirnya ada sepupu yang lain, Mirza, yang jemput si Dinda ke sekolah berkat "titah" mamak. Maka menunggu Amsal pun dilanjutkan. Jreng.... Dia datang... tak tahan saya tak tersenyum... wheeeeeeee. Saya selamat. Ipetebiet peng le si Amsal lage aneuk muda India. Dibaye adek pulsanyan. Dikeluarkan plastik sekilo berisi minyak bensin, dan dituanglah ke dalam tangki yang sudah haus sejak dari tadi. (seriously... this part I call lebay bin alay).

Kabereh! Beuh pane bereh, jam sudah14.35 dan jam 15.00 saya masih harus ngajar. Oh Noooooooo. Again!? Balap lagi sampe rumah, "Maaaaaak... pasoe bue lam ploek, pajoh di tempat les mantoeng". berganti lah baju saya dengan baju yang baru saya sadari justru waktu saya selesai mengajar 3,5 jam kedepan. Baju gembel yang kebesaran dan kedodoran. Tapi tak apalah. Selesai. Ngajar sampai jam 18.30 dan saya meluncur pulang (when I say "meluncur", I literally mean "meluncur", because my speed is always around 70 to 90 km/hr_only when I ride alone)

Maghrib pun terasa lebih nikmat dan tenang. Asiiik. sampai dua ibu-ibu paruh baya datang tepat sesudah maghrib. "Pik...tolong lah edit skripsi ibu". Jreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeng. 2 ya ngoen! 2!! Whaaa. kakeuhlah. Dengar ibu-ibu tu ngomong panjang lebar masalah skripsi. Ya Tuhan. Udah berumur juga ya yang buat skripsi ini, kenapa disusahin!? Kasihan lah woi... Heran

Pulanglah mereka berdua setelah dua jam lebih. Dan godam pun berdentang di kepala saya. Saat saya lagi santai-santai tidur, Bruuuuuk... suara orang jatuh! apa lagi ni!?
Ternyata oh ternyata...Kakak tertua saya pingsan sodara-sodara! Di kamar mandi. Whaaaaaaaaa. Gak ada laki satupun di rumah, sedang keluar semua. Kapalo! Berempat dengan Mak, Kakak saya yang lain, dan sepupu perempuan, kami angkat si kakak ke dalam.

Fiuuuuuuuuh...... setelah si kakak sadar...
Masalah barupun entah berakhir, entah dimulai lagi. Yang jelas malam itu, tidur serasa dalaaam.
Rabu horor itu pun berakhir dengan pagi Kamis yang lebih dahsyat lagi.

Nyan ban cerita loen tuan... ^^

Lamreung, 21 September 2013

I've been dating and about to break up

For more than two years, I've been dating him. No one knows. No one seems to notice. As most of relationship ever built, I love him. So much, that I can stop smiling when it comes about him. I like every part of him. I know how it's hard sometimes for me to meet him. Yeah...in fact, we're meeting every night before I go to sleep, when I wake up. And he just knows how to boost my mood. Hopes that he gives are just so great for me to ignore. There's not even a day I stop thinking about him. he is my inspiration. The fuel for my hard days in the weeks. He is every reason I stay up late every night.

There were times when he was ready to live with me the whole life ahead. I trusted him, I believed the words. And to make it worse, he said it so many times and failed to prove it, but I still believe him. With all of my love. I love him with every breath that makes me alive.

Now... I'm just too tired to wait for those words to be come true. Now.. and the end of this year, I know that we will break up. Though it's not him that wants this all, I am the one who got too scared to live without him.

Today, he can't make it true again...like most of the times we spend together, he came to me with joy but then he slapped me on the face with the fact, still when I put a smile on my face. How pathetic.

These two years past, I find my life so exciting to live on, with him on my side. And now, when I decide to leave him soon.. I wonder where life will turn me to.

He is still there, that is the fact. I'm the one who is leaving away. Running from him, and I know no matter how far I run away from him, he will always be there waiting for me to come back in his arms.

He is my love. And his name is Dream. Dream of getting higher education.

Today I got a very tough words from a friend. He said, maybe it's not you that is wrong, maybe it's just not your time, or maybe it's not your path, it is just not your way to walk through. Yeah...maybe I have to come to realize that sometimes to let go just ease your way. And I know it, that it is my fault to expect too much. That it is my fault, to let my dream manipulating my entire life. I can't control it. I grab it to tight that it always slips away of my hand. And maybe, I just have to release it free.. let my dream be free...

I've been dating... with my dream, but now...we're about to break up.

Ulee Kareng, August 1, 2013Song for Mia

Week 3- Being a First Grader Teacher

School year has just begun. All students were in the class, excited. There were only two new students on the sight. The rest come from the same kindergarten, this school too.

I have been teaching here since 2011. That's what some people or even teachers here don't know about. Maybe because, I wasn't here along the days, only once  week. I first taught as religion and Arabic teacher, though I graduated from English Department. I know the basic in Arabic and Religion for kids, so I agreed to teach here. Months passed, and I come and leave to this school for several times. As sub at most of the time. Now, I feel privileged yet challenged to handle the grade 1 where most of students graduated from the same school. I have met those kids before, long when they were in Kindergarten 1, two years before when I was their class adviser for two months straight. Therefore, I thought it's not gonna be that hard to deal with. Alas... I was totally wrong.

I forgot the fact that this is their very early stage in adapting a new system from Kindergarten to elementary. That is not something unimportant to be concerned about.

They now, have abundant subjects to deal with. Don't ask me, I don't like this fact too. I hate the fact that education in most of developing countries tend to ignore that kids are kids. Beside getting so many subjects to master, they  still need their times to have fun. This is not my part to complain about, but to adapt it in my own way. And this is a point where I, as a teacher should elaborate and think hard how those "subjects" can be absorbed by the kids without causing "over-burdened" feelings or "harm". I mention "harm" in here, because I am one who believe that the most important phase in constructing students' academic skills begin when they are so young. Wrong turns in approaches and methods are just gonna lead those kids into the studying habits that no one seems to expect. Unfortunately, I saw it this week.

The first two weeks seemed to be okay, I thought I just need to have teacher-student conference after school with students who need more practice. Again, this is just not enough. 

This week, most of the subjects I reviewed should actually shows improvement, yet most of them found it is okay to memorize, but when it comes to writing. They messed up. I messed up. I wonder what makes those brilliant kids end up this way. But then I come to realize, they were taught to memorize before, not to understand. However, they show excellent penmanship and speaking skill. Yeah... they are way beyond great in speaking. I mean for the kids at their ages whose first language are not English.

Now, I feel like I have to start the very new, effective way in getting into their minds. And I do believe, building such good psychological relationships are so important. Kids need to feel comfortable first with their teachers. I have to make them like me first to get their attention. Once they like me, it's just that easy  for me to conduct any approach or method in teaching them. 

Last... I feel so sorry, terribly sorry for some of the kids that need more attention from their parents. Needless to say, they all come from different way in parenting. And that leads to something crucial. No matter how great I am as a teacher, it is a certainty that no goals will be achieved without parents' supports.

 pic from http://lifeinfirstgrade1.blogspot.com/

Setengah Jalan, Penuhnya cerita di 2013

Serasa  sudah lamaaaa sekali saya tidak mem.post satu pun tulisan. Dan saya adalah tipe yang suka mengumpulkan ide menulis atau draft yang kemudian dipublish sekalian.

Dimulai dari bulan Maret. Saat itu adalah saat saya kembali bangkit dari jatuh yang teramat jatuh akibat dua tamparan yang boleh dibilang sangat keras. Saya dikhianati oleh mimpi saya sendiri. Gagal untuk saat itu. Dua fakta sakit yang luar biasa buat saya, tapi toh sekarang saya jadi merasa lebih kuat karenanya. Ya, saya percaya seorang kuli bangunan tidak lah sekuat itu kalau dia tidak "terpaksa" bekerja keras banting-tulang setiap harinya. Keharusan dan proses yang membuatnya jadi kuat. Analogi yang sama yang selalu saya terapkan ke diri sendiri. Terus mencoba, lagi dan lagi. kita tidak tahu sejauh mana kita bisa berlari kalau mengambil langkah saja sudah enggan.

Beberapa bulan kebelakang, saya sangat bersyukur. Banyak teman-teman yang mendukung , menyemangati dan terus mendoakan "perjuangan" panjang ini. Sebagian besar adalah teman-teman seperjuangan. "Pemburu-pemburu" tangguh dan unik yang Tuhan jumpakan dengan saya dalam kesempatan yang tak pernah terbayang sebelumnya. Manusia-manusia luar biasa yang selama dua tahun terakhir terus menemani minggu terberat, tergila, terbosan, dan terindah dalam hidup saya. Namun, ada beberapa teman-teman yang baru saya kenal, lagi dalam Ijin Tuhan yang tak pernah terduga sebelumnya. IjinNya jugalah tersimpan banyak cerita dengan mereka. Luar biasa.

Akhir Maret merupakan pengalaman unik dan berharga sendiri bagi saya. Banyak hal baru yang saya lakukan untuk pertama kalinya. Petualangan, keputusan-keputusan berat, keteguhan-keteguhan hati, sampai penolakan-penolakan tegas yang sampai sekarang, saya pribadi terus bergelut agar Sang Pembolak-balik hati dengan Kasih sayangnya menyelamatkan saya dari jatuh yang teramat dalam.

Bulan-bulan terakhir jelas bukanlah bulan-bulan buruk dalam hidup saya. Kecuali awal Juli, saat saya lagi-lagi dikecewakan mimpi sendiri. Uh... memang perjuangan ini butuh nyali dan "kebebalan". Being persistence adalah kunci mencapai "mau".

MIMPI adalah Bahan bakar untuk terus hidup. Tanpa mimpi, tanpa tujuan, hidup hanyalah hidup yang beruujung mati. Tak berarti,...