What on Earth!? (A repost of Facebook Notes posted on Dec 2010)

Ok....let say I was in wrong place, again! but I think nope.... I was about meeting unwanted "person"..

It was not that bad... really! but sometimes it's just like when you drink hot latte with cream! come on! with cream, a cup of hot latte! it's hot....I know how weird it be, but to be honest I have that experience. I know I run-off my topic..

sometimes when you wake up in the morning and find that day is going to be different or excited, more excited than the day you have before, you know... you feel like it's strange, and instead of excited you become so anxious. I should stay at home the whole day...but I didn't

okay...here's the problem. I admit it that maybe I could be the most sophisticated "human" you have ever met. I am the you "think" the most weird and the most fool or the most what we call "alien". Okay I am an alien. So what?

Even an alien doesn't need that blaming and judging and disgusting way of seeing!! I don't like it. Never like it. not From that one!!!

I used to be in wrong damn place! used to meet some damn wrong people! become a part of it and pretended that everything was just okay, while in fact I was not OK.

I am not OK... my days ruined.. my feeling messed up....my thoughts twisted... what happen to me?

The worst thing is that some people just threat me as a robot that I can handle every matter, that I can tackle every "bad word"... I just cant take it anymore...

I really need some rest. from everything... from everyone...I need to go somewhere sooooo far....for soooo long... I need to be alone for sometime....If I just could..

I get sick of everything and I need a balance coz I'm already old...

An Ant (A repost of Facebook Notes posted in 2010)

A repost with a little editing here and there


An ant is a little bug live in a very huge-dared-world. An ant, never lives so long, but always cares for others. Always thinks for how to live on. An ant never wants to conquer the world, even just a house full of food, but an ant just takes something enough for him, and for the rest of the family just for awhile. An ant never gets scared of taking what human have, cos what he takes just a tiny piece of it. An ant is just an ant. Sometimes gets misunderstood. Sometimes chased just for a-tiny-silly-mistake. An ant never bites if you just leave him alone. An ant never bites if you don’t kill his family. An ant never attacks you HUMAN! If you don’t attack his family first.

An ant live in a group. Always works for the group. Always takes a little. Be small and realizes it for sure. An ant knows how to adapt. An ant never blames human who step on him. Since he knows human sometimes never realizes it. An ant forgives. An ant gets mercy for it. An ant lives alone with his family. An ant never distracts your great world, he just want a bit of your cake. An ant can never disturb you in will...

An ant is a teacher for you... for me... for everyone who knows

27:18
“an ant said: ‘Go into your dwellings, ants, lest Solomon and his warriors should unwittingly crush you”

00.24 AM
Banda Aceh, December 18, 2010.

I called it so-Alived part 2 ( A repost notes from Facebook in 2010)

This is a repost written in 2010 posted on Facebook Notes with a little edit.


Just like usual, I woke up in the morning, found something to eat, or drink... got use to the morning, and took shower. It's still the best way to wake me up from day-dreaming-couldn’t-stop-me-dream-walking-Ergh. And just like usual, I could never take away my life from those kids! A little hug, some kisses, some jokes. Always took me to a bunch of smiles. I really really loved them with all tea in China (why it has to be in China!? Tasikmalaya is fully loaded with tea also).

Hm... I’d got lot of things to worry. It’s “T”...”T”....and “T”... go heck with “T”. I hate “T”... Oh no, I didn't mean it, I don’t hate it...hm, but, yup, I hate it, just,...a little. Talking about “T”. There’s gonna be a “T” party today. Everybody’s going to be hosts cause they did make great “Ts”, then they got “T” certification from “T” master. They would get “T”-shake; it’s when “T” master shake hands with “T”makers. Apparently, I hate this “T” party...maybe just for today... cause I cant be good “T” makers like them all. Now, I am just a “T” dump. But I’m pretty sure that my “T” is going to be a ticket for me to be one of thousands “T” makers in the party. I passed this party, so I’m just a guest STAR today, not the HOST. But in couple months.. I’m gonna be one!

Thinking about the “T” party...again...that I have to attend in couple more hours, I got numb and grumpy. It’s sunny today but it turns blue and dark in my view, so I pick my favorite Tee; a long-sleeve-black-tee and my brown khaki. I really need to visit my farm, fixing some stuff in my farm always make me feel better. There I be in my farm for less than two hours, finishing my orchard, but I still need a lot of nails and woods. and i should go home and I’m really starving now. Mom asks me to prepare the broccoli myself if I want it for lunch. Ha ha, there’s no oyster sauce in the kitchen. So what!? I still have salt, and I think a pinch of sugar can give a De-li-ci-ous broccoli ever! I love broccoli. And guess what, we got Tofu but it’s not prepared yet. I love Tofu also_means that I have to eat that_means that I HAVE TO cook it for sure! I’m starving already, my tummy gurgling. Whush..... with my magic wand_in this case_my beautiful lovely pair of my hands...Thada....here’s the lunch, hot white rice, broccoli and peas, tofu and shrimp (I’ll never forget this one, and got so happy cause it’s my free time to eat shrimp cause no more allergy, at least for this year)...........................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................I’m eating, can’t you see!? .................................................................................................................................................................. Slurp...

It’s noon already. Get prepare, and take my best pal to the party, definitely, she’s just like me. We’re not the hosts for this time. But we’re Okay. Bru brum....my bike is just wonderful! My bike....it’s my dad’s bike. My own bike has gone... he left me.. my red Volcom...my 6201 AM, my best partner, I hope you’re Okay now. Hiks...

We are in the party and ... I don’t know what happened. It was Gloria Estevan singing “Survive” for me just now but then, the song stops and Dale Daniel comes and cries singing “You gave her your name” for the moment. Whaaa..... I get lost in the crowd....it dramatically changes like I am a frog who been thrown away in North pole with Penguins!!! (is there any penguin in the north pole? Say yes if you insane!). and I just don’t know...I can’t stand anymore....I got dizzy and tears are flooding my eyes but I don’t wanna cry. I must not to! I may not ruin their day with my stupid tears! They deserve joy for this day and my tears just seems to be so fool!

Thanks for the help, my best pal ever comes and help me n the crowd unless I will fall down. I hold her tight, I don’t want to be LOST anymore. Meet some Host, say some congrats words, join another party. Full of laughs at last.

I think the day is just end, but I was wrong. Another journey start and takes me to a beautiful new mom with a cute baby boy,,,uh....I love them ...and suddenly Quincy Coleman sings “Baby don't you cry” for me... I wont Coleman. I wont cry! You just don't know how happy a mother is to have a baby! I don’t know, cause I don't have one, this time. But I’m so happy seeing her and the baby. We used to have great talks and times before, but time goes on, some things change rapidly. Some comes, some gone. Some remain, some don't.

Gotta leave again....and now I’m gonna hit the road...to meet my bestest pals to have some fun together. It’s beautiful day! Isn’t it!? We got all fun together from the riverside park to mesjid. From mesjid to “Durian hunting” with lots of lots of Funniest jokes ever. Then it’s not stop yet! We then leading to a lots-of-things-to-sell store. I find some good movies, see some fancy dolls and stuff. Meet a very funny doll for Amna, I bet she falls so in love to the doll, it’s so cute.... and guess what!? The married one needs some bread for breakfast. Oh come on....it’s 9 pm Tin! The bakery is not closed that early. We have to move fast and stop at the bakery and get some breads. I got a Chocolate Lava; A chocolate bread with melting chocolate inside. Addicted. So don't eat it if you don't want to miss it! Hahahahah....whatever...then we take everyone to their houses. And I’m the one left. Is this a sign!? For every journey, for every group I am in, for every moment, I always be the last. But that’s OK. It’s dark...it’s a long day with lots of things to say and feel. Beyond it all, I can easily smile before sleep now. Life moves on. I move on. It’s not about “T” party or “T” certification only. It’s about how you face the truth that sometimes it’s hard to smile when people think you are fail. And day by day they think that you become a moron (I really hate this word) and all you got is just five magic words....FAITH, don’t loss it unless you got no happiness, Trust me!

November 28 2010, 2.30 in the morning

Knowing yourself better to know your God better; The Art of Gratefulness

There was once a drowning man. A boat came by and tried to save him, but he said "no thank you, God will save me." Another boat tried to save him but he said "no thank you, God will save me" and he drowned. When he got to heaven he said "why didn't you save me God?" and God said "I sent you two boats, you big dummy!"

(The lines in The Pursuit of Happiness as told by Chris Gardner's son)

It's been my fourth month working "a new job". Well, it's technically an old place I used to work at, with a different tone, distinctive color, and various spices I may call. It wasn't easy at first, of course. I had so many doubts over myself, I doubted my guts to made a huge decision to be in that place again. But now I think about it again, I guess, it was always Allah in the first place. There are so many nights in the last four months I felt so tired and exhausting, but there are also so many nights where I went to sleep smiling. I've never been this relieved and it all came from the fact that now, it all came from the idea of to be grateful is as beautiful as art. Dang, I miss all this warm soothing feeling being around pure souls and energetic vibes. 

I know that there's no perfect things in life, not in this world. As believers and people of God, I do believe that the hereafter is the perfect one. However, I've felt enough and "enough" is always a strong word. 

"Enough" is the keyword in this difficult exam called life. "Enough" is the fuel in this long bumpy ride called life. "Enough" is always the cure for our tired heart in this unprecedented life. Enough is.. the perspective we use to be in peace with our condition.

We all would always think that our issues are so big that nobody would ever understand our pain, ignoring our needs to get help from the first place. We see people reach out their hands to save us, but sometimes we're so full of ourselves avoiding our basic need of being humans, to need help, to be help, and to help. We tend to misinterpret "enough" as the way it should be.

If only we're humble "enough", light is always there in the end of the tunnel. And most of the time, the light comes from the torch someone's holding. Can't we try a little harder to admit that "that someone" could be the baristas we met on the coffee shop this morning. That "one someone" could be the Office Boy we passed through this afternoon. "That someone" could be that one colleague we always tried to avoid. That "one someone" could be the annoying sibling we've always had. That "one someone" could be our best friend who was always there by our side. But again, we're so full of "me", "I", and "myself" that around us, "he", "she", or "they" are always present.

Avoiding all the helps, the kind intentions, thinking that it is what "enough" is really meant. Thinking "Oh.. Me and my God are enough". Pushing ourselves way too far from people when it could be the people who are actually God's helps over us. 

To live is a long run. It is a hard one. And we were told from the very beginning that "If you are grateful, I will certainly give you more." As if the line was never there, we're so proud and bragging that it's only us, only us alone who are deserving of Allah's countless grace and again, we ignored people helps.

If life is the canvas, then gratefulness is the correct stroke we use to turn our plain art to be something beautiful.

23:44 PM
Ulee Kareng, November 23, 2021