Ketabrak (lagi) di tempat yang sama..

Sudah 3 Jumat berlalu sesudah kejadian tempo hari. Hari ini sah Jumat keempat. Dan tadi sekitar jam 7.30 malam saya dapat pesan dari seorang kakak saya yang terpisah dulu waktu di dalam kandungan (hehehehe... :p), bahwa dia mau jalan di mall yang tidak seberapa mana itu. Dia pun datang dan menjemput saya. Setelah seharian penuh saya habiskan di rumah, saya rasa I need to give some fun for myself, then I went.

Belanja belanja.. pilih-pilih.. what else can we do, it's a mall for God sake. (--")

Sampai waktunya pulang. Kakak gak bisa antar saya sampai rumah karena rumahnya jauh dan saya bisa naik becak juga. Di depan jalan keluar motor saya berhenti dan hampir saja naik ke becak yang sedang nge.tem di sana, samapai saya tiba-tiba berubah pikiran, and I don't know why. You can ask me, but I truly don't have any idea why I didn't go with that 'abang becak". Saya naik lagi ke motor si kakak dan kami mengarah ke tempat banyak becak ngetem lainnya. ada 4 becak disana, dan saya memeilih satu yang sedang terparkir jauh. Si Bapak becak sedang duduk termenung saat saya tanya apa itu becaknya atau bukan. Umurnya mungkin sudah sekitar 50 tahun. Rambutnya sudah hampir putih semua, perwakannya kecil. "kemana?", tanya bapak itu singkat. "Ulee Kareng pak", jawab saya. "15.000 aja", katanya, tanpa ditanya. Saya pun mengiyakan dan becak pun berjalan. Sebelum becaknya jalan si bapak sempat ngomong "Kawannya pulang lain arah ya?". Saya hanya menjawab iya singkat.

Becak melaju sekenanya, tidak ngebut sama sekali. Saya dan si bapak tidak terlibat percakapan apapun. It is so not-like me, you know. Atas namanya naik becak, taksi, atau apapun itu.. saya pasti ajak si pengemudi ngomong. But thattime, we both practically quite. weird.

Sampai di simpang tujuh si bapak tanya lagi, "belok kemana dek?". "Belok kanan habis pak", jawab saya. kecepatan bapak ini paling hanya berkisar sekitar 40-45 km/jam.

Begitu jalan itu saya lewati lagi. Saya teringat dengan kejadian 3 Jumat sebelumnya. Saya ditabrak dari belakang oleh seorang anak di bawah umur (14 tahun saja). Dan horor itu pun membuat saya menghela napas. Si bapak becak tiba-tiba tanya lagi, "kemana dek?". "Belok kanan ke lorong itu pak", kata saya. Dan si bapak pun memutar haluan. Dan sekonyong-konyong dari arah yang berlawanan sebuah motor melaju sangat cepat (saya perkirakan 60-70 km/jam..mungkin) tanpa lampu kendaraan, dan itu malam saudara-saudara. Entah memang sedang naas, entah si motor gak bisa mengelak. Yang jelas motor becak yang saya tumpangi ditabrak. Dan si pemudi motor jumpalitan dan berputar di tanah. Saya sempat teriak "Pak...pak...pak..."

Rabbiy... kejadian itu cepat sekali dan saya ketakutan setengah hidup, setengah lagi mau mati. Si engemudi motor langsung bangun padahal saya yakin lukanya parah. Dan kata yang pertama keluar dari mulutnya adalah "Maaf pak...salah saya pak...salah saya pak... saya gak hidupin lampu". And me!? I was there.. Standing like rock. I couldn't think. and Home is all that I could remember. Saya bayar bapak itu dan saya pun berjalan pulang. saya terlalu ketakutan, mengingat baru 3 minggu yang lalu kejadian yang sama terjadi dan saya jadi korban. malam ini kejadian itu terulang lagi, dan saya disana, hampir jadi korban (lagi), masih di tempat yang sama, di waktu yang sama. Jumat malam.

Saya pulang. Dan setibanya di rumah saya menceritakan kejadiannya, dan saya tidak enak hati teringat dengan Bapak becak dan si pengemudi motor. Saya dan sepupu dan 2 keponakan kembali ke tempat kejadian dengan secerek air dan 2 gelas. Setiba disana ketakutan dan trauma saya berubah jadi amarah.

si bapak becak disudutkan oleh orang-orang yang tadinya tidak ada di tempat kejadian, but.. dengan sekonyong-konyongnya "sok tau", and it's so annoying. and guess what!? Si pengendara motor itu ternyata anak sekolah SLB. dan dia difable saudara-saudara.

WHAT ON EARTH!!

Orang-orang yang ada disitu minta si bapak tidak memperpanjang urusan. Mereka bilang si bapak yang salah. BIG F. dan mereka bilang kasihan anak ini, dia anak yang "kurang akal". WHAT!!

Saya disana mendengar dan menyaksikan si bapak sendirian. Saya pun angkat bicara. dan menjelaskan kejadian sebenarnya. And you know what. Pasti aja ada orang sok tau dan sok pahlwan kan ya di setiap kecelakaan macam itu. Dia nantang saya dengan ngomong. "Gimana kalau saudara adek 'cacat' dan dia dapat kejadian kaya gini!?". and I said... What!? Dalam hati saya berujar, "Saya gak akan ijinin dia naik motor". Dan ternyata itu tidak dalam hati. KAta-kata itu meluncur saudara-saudara ditambah dengan "Saya gak akan ngijinin saudara saya itu berkendara karena akan membahayakan orang lain."

Guess what!? Si sok pahlawan merah padam dan ... saya pun merah padam. keponakan saya yang berumur 17 tahun disitu dan melerai, dia memerintahkan saya (ya... ) untuk pulang. Maaf pak becak. Seenggaknya saya sudah sarankan kalau masalah ini dibawa ke polsek saja. And ornag2 disitu semua bilang jangan.

Si pengendara motor ternyata patah tulang belikatnya. Sigh... Dan dia ternyata masih di bawah umur.

(--")

Kesimpulan cerita...

BERPENDIDIKANALAH SAUDARA-SAUDARA!!! DAN JANGAN BIARKAN ORANG-ORANG DIBAWAH INI MENGEMUDI!!
1. ANAK DIBAWAH 17 TAHUN
2. DIFABLE...
3. ORANG YANG MENTALNYA TERGANGGU
4. ORANG YANG EMOSINYA SEDANG TIDAK STABIL

If I die that day

Today, as 10 nights passed, I come up with some weird thoughts. How if, and how if.
I put on my helmet that night and I locked it. If I forgot it that day, just like things I tend to forget, often, this night could be hard night for my mom. She could be crying all night, and my dad could be in one room in a hospital. I can't even imagine that. Mom had ever told me that, she never wants to see one of her kids die before her. How about me? She also had ever said, "I can't imagine my life if you are not around", "How will your dad and me face the days ahead", she added.

I cried and screamed so hard that night, part of it is because the wound and burnt were so freaking painful, and the other part is because I was so scared to death to be dead! I can actually deny that there is part of myself that keep say "Alhamdulillah...Alhamdulillah...Alhamdulillah...", and on our way to hospital that night, I kept saying to myself "Alhamdulillah...Oh..dear God.. You still give me another shot", and all of my stupidities in all the years tracing on my head, and I was thinking, "You just forgive me...Please dear Lord", and I cried like a baby and my mom grab my hand so tight to comfort me.

Start from that day, I made up my mind. Dreams can never manipulate my life anymore, it's for me as a motivation, not a soul. I will chase my dream, and will never stop until I get it, I am B-type, and I mean it. But this time I do it different way.

Most of my close friends and family said that this accident gives something good for me, to have a break. To have some me-time is something, that as far as I can recall, I never have for almost a year straight. I was like a robot. Teaching from 8 in the morning until 9 pm. But, since I don't die yet..this 10 days straight were all for me and myself, getting a long break and do nothing but for myself. I love it, even the pain is...ugh... But there's nothing's free in this world, my long break this time has to be paid with blood, literally blood. haha

I love what I have now, and I am just that lucky...
Thanks Life... :)

16/12/2013

My Opening Remark on UN Day Celebration(LatePost)

For the sake of these kids, I protect the pic by closing the eyes

The last November 15 was a big day for our school since we celebrated UN DAY. We knew that it's a little late, but  we just couldn't make it at the right moment. We thought the concern was that we tried to celebrate it. 

It was different from last years celebration. This year celebration, we focused on the dance of the country we represented. My class got middle east and I chose the dance from southern part of Egypt I got after searching ones in YOUTUBE. 

And... I had that honour to deliver opening remark on the D-Day. Here is the short speech of mine.

"Peace and God blessing beyond you all.

First of all, I’d like to say thank you to the head of the school and the chairman who give this honorable chance to represent this school and to share a little bit about what we know about UN Day.

And we’d like to say welcome to our honorable guests and parents. And to our beloved team mates, the teachers and students, you did beautiful team work.

There are 196 countries in this world. All the people live in different culture, come from different races, practice different religions and beliefs, but we tend to forget that we have one purpose in this life, to live in peace and harmony.

We can’t actually deny that so many wars and tragedies we have today, in this world due to our incompetency in understanding those differences. We’ve come to realize that all those differences among us are beauty and bless, but at some point, in our daily lives we tend to act the other way around. We do labeling, judging, blaming people not because what they do, but from their race, countries, or religions.

Today, we want to lead our kids to a stage in their lives where they actually aware of these cross cultural facts. We want our kids to be wise in living life and face the differences, and later on when they grow up, to deal with conflicts that may be caused by the differences and solve it in healthy way. We want our kids to understand that we are all one. We are all family.

No matter where we are from, no matter what color our skin are, no matter what religion we practice and no matter what state we stand in believing something. We want these kids to believe that those have nothing to do with the way they treat people.

Today, these kids are going to representing the dance from different part of the world. Here, we can learn something that it is obviously not that hard to understand other people, just like it is not that hard for those kids to learn the dances from other cultures in less than two months. We all can live in harmony if only we can start to understand that we are all born different. Even ears on one head are different.

Last but not least... I’d like to quote a statement from a very remarkable man who is known for his wisdom and tolerance. He said these words for Round Square Campaign October 1996, in South Africa. “The challenge for each one of you is to take up these ideals of tolerance and respect for others and put them to practical use in your schools, your communities and throughout your lives” __Nelson Mandela

Though we come from different countries and practise different religions, WE ARE ALL ONE PEOPLE

Funny Parts of Teaching English as Foreign Language

credit to http://learningworksforkids.com

As English in Indonesia, especially in Aceh is still condidered hard subject along with Math, some people think that English is an "exclusive" language. So many Indonesian parents spend millions to make their kids able to speak English like a native. In fact, only a few of these parents who are able to speak English. at this point, all the responsibility are on teachers.

I teach in two places right know; an international school and a course. The first one mentioned is a school where international system is applied and aall students and teachers are expected to speak full English except in some subject like Bahasa Indonesia, Sosial Science, Citizenship, Arabic/ Mandarin. The kids are trained to acquintaance the language by speaking it not by teaching it as a language.

However, it causes the language to be in a mess structure you have ever heard nowhere. Since this kids speak Bahasa Indonesia in their homes and Bahasa grammar is so different compared to English, sometimes I find the kids speak english with Indonesian grammar or vice versa. Here are the examples:

If one can not do or say something they suppose to say: "I can't see it" or "I can't do it"

but in reality what I heard from most of the kids are: "me not can see" or "me not can do"

It takes about 2-3 months for me to fix this and always remind them if they say this.

In other case, they will read word in Bahasa Indonesia in English pronunciation. This one is never be disaster except for the one and only Bahasa Indonesia teaacher in the school.

At the very worst case, especially the kids who are "lucky" enough to have parents who can speak English with them all of the time find it's hard to speak in Bahasa Indonesia. In Bahasa Indonesia subject, one had ever asked me (when I was around), "do you know how to say 'market' in Bahasa?". At my very stupefied expression I asked back, "You really don't know it?". 

The funniest part is mostly happened in my course. They don't go to Bilingual school, so they speak a very good Bahasa Indonesia. Too good that it sometimes influences their English. 

There was a moment when I asked my students to translete 2 - 3 sentences. I rarely do this thou. But wwhen I do, I always find myself laughing so hard along with the kids of course.

That day I asked my students to translete "I will be at your house around 6" into Bahasa Indonesia.

One of my student, the most innocent look in the class, translete it to be "Saya akan kelilingi rumah kamu selama enam kali = I will surround your house 6 times". It was so hilarious.

credit to http://thefeedingdoctor.com

This language teaching obstacle never be a burden for me. Honestly, I like it to hear the kids trying so hard to deal with two languages at the same time, and I prouly say that most of them did it. At last, it's great to learn from your own mistakes, is it.

The Perks of Being Freelance Teacher #1

Yesterday, I was teaching in one course I am employed in the town. There were only three 12-year-old boys who came to the class. This is a small class of 5 actually. I was in kind of bad mood and not that excited in teaching that day. My bad..

I asked them too do the task in the workbook when they started asking questions of words and sentences they didn't understand. Once they finished, I asked one of them a question since this one always be the fastest and the brightest in this class. "How old are you now?" I asked this boy who drew his attention right away to me. "12 years old miss...", he said. I started to ask him "Imagine yourself 15 years from now.. What will you be? and where will you be?". He didn't take much time to think and answered me in a snap, "In campus, studying". And then I confirmed.. "No...27 you will suppose to finish your study.. You be graduating your study that time. 

He added  "I will be in a campus, finishing my master degree in Stanford University!". This answer slapped me on the face and at the same time I mesmerize this young boy motivationn and dream. He stated his drem proudly. He even know where to go at this very young age. Oh Boy... I was smiling so wide that time, and kept saying "Awesome" in a number I can't remember. It was sure that I got this goosebump. I was astonished. This boy somehow told me not to stop trying. I couldn't stop link that GOd shows His Mighty that time. Wuhuuuuuu.... 

That  gave me an idea how to continue the class. THese boys are active boys. They like to move around the class. Then I decided to ask them to write 5 questions on a piece of paper and have it rolled. I was involved in this actvity. Then I gave each of the papers to each of them randomly. Every kid had to ask each question to anyone they like. 

I didn't know that this activity could be that great. We stood and moved around the class while doing this activity. To my excitement, even I myself enjoy this activity.

Here are their questions, mine is included of course.

Question me questions!

How we understand life as we understand ourselves

It’s been a while that I didn’t write. I mean not this kind of writing. I did write personal statements, study objectives, study plans, and all the craps like application form and stuff. Yeah... I did craps for my life. Instead, I kept doing it. I was trying to kill my joys inside me, trying to convince myself that I do love these kind of things. In fact, I’m exhausted.

There were some points in all past months this year, I wanted to scream,, so loud that I could loose my voice. But, I never did it. I did scream, so loud and painful.. Inside. I complained, felt sorry for things I kept loosing, for chances that slipt out of my hands like sands. I hate it to feel that way but I did.

All the past year I think I learned and acknowledged too many things; From loosing and letting go, from falling in and falling out, from remembering and forgetting, from cursing to praising. I know it I am not perfect. Nobody is.. yeah.. Perfect is nobody. Once you are perfect you become noone to be worth alive. You are death when you’re perfect since life is imperfection.

I saw too much, and knew too much that sometimes my mind and my heart could not take it all. It caused me dying. And these hard times that I got was somehow a precious lifetime experiment He ever sent me. He does want me to improve my whole life.

The last months I keep suspecting myself for thinking that maybe I’ve changed. I’ve changed to be someone I really did not want. From any jealousy I felt for people around me, from the good things people around me got, but I didn’t. But this night I’ve come to realize that there’s nothing wrong with that. That’s so human that every one expect something  better to be happened in his/her life. What is all wrong about that!? Why did I curse myself for feeling so.

And those jealousy was nothing wrong, not untill it shapes you to someone who is not actually you. And that jelousy almost drowned me the last two weeks. All the chances offered by government did give me terrible days, not dirrectly anyway, but it killed my days. While so many people took part and I reminded silent, my beloved one thought I was an idiot that I kept this brilliant chance to go astray.

For the sake of heaven, Never in my life I do something I do not like. Never and ever. But why do I have to? For letting they think I am a successful woman then? Who define that for whom? Your friends? Your neighbours? Your parents? Teachers? Counterparts? If so... Poor us! What life we are living now.. Noone can define something good for you but you. But why is it happened all of the time? Why do we let ourselves go out of the paths we built back then when we were so young.

This afternoon in my class my students asked me two questions out of ten questions I let them ask to each other. Instead, some were asking me. What is success for you and does it have something to do with happiness? I was kind of surprised by my own quick answer that led me stay in silent for a while after so. For me.. Success is when I stop wishing and wanting things to be happened in my life and pushing myself so hard to get it. My student laughed as I didn’t get my words either. Then I corrected my words quickly, “getting higher education”, I said. But does it really it? what then? How if I get it soon? Am I success?

Then I think my first answer is the right and honest one. Success is when you start thinking there is nothing wrong with your life. You feel grateful and that’s it. That is the success life as you know it. and happiness? Happiness comes along, always.

Some people who do not have faith in something superior than anything in this world might say, “You live only once, do whatever you do and do not regret for it. Everyone is gonna die though”. Somehow I agree with this idea, but I do believe in after life and strongly have faith that everything you do is gonna be questioned latter on when you die. So there is judgement day, at least for me, or you.. The ones who believe. And that only means one thing for me, a somewhat religious woman. It is a form of emerging these two idea of “you live only once” and “you need to consider everything you do coz you have to be responsible for it”. This is a point where sometimes I curse myself of being jealous to people. And this is also the reason why I always (I try) can alternate it to be something positive. To be my fuel of being a better person.

So... do we really know what life is? Or do we actually aware that it is us who can keep the evil inside us come out as evil or in more intelligent way, as gooddeed. Jealousy is like a hammer, but when you use it wisely along with chisel, you can turn an unuseful log to be a beautiful work of art.

song i love the most

the hardest Wednesday of the year

Clumsy adalah nama tengah saya untuk dua minggu terakhir. Kecerobohan demi kecerobohan berujung pada luka kecil dan besar. Mulai dari terantuk meja, kejedot pintu, kejepit tangan, tangan teriris cutter, kaki terjepit meja (kok bisa!?), sampai yang paling parah, terbakar knalpot. Babak belur dah... belum lagi, ini semua jatuhnya disaat lagi banyak-banyaknya kerjaan.

And the worst was the last Wednesday. Berangkat dari rumah udah yang pagiiii kali. Berharap sampe sekolah fresh lah ya kan. Mana ada! Tetiba aja hoyong saket kepala. Padahal hari itu jam ngajar penuh. Yasudir... tanggung jawab tho. Jam pulang kelas saya sekitar 12.30. Tapi berhubung anak-anak harus ditungguin untuk dijemput, yaaa... mau begimana lagi. Itupun minta bantuan co.teacher buat wakilin karena saya mau pulang cepat, karena jam 15.00 saya ada jam mengajar lagi di tempat lain. Dua kelas dengan durasi 1,5 jam perkelas. Dalam artian, saya harus persiapkan bahan mengajar pas waktu pulang.

Mengingat keefektifan waktu, meluncurlah saya ke rental dekat rumah dengan tujuan, siap nge.print ya langsung pulang. Sedang asik-asiknya edit bahan, jreng jreng.. telpon bunyi, panggilan masuuuuk Rupanya si Dindo Sarindo yang telpong. "Apa Nak!?" tanya saya. "Aloooot, Dinda saket kali ni, mau pulang, tapi gak bisa. Kartu izin keluar Dinda punya udah hilang" jelasnya panjang. Ya ampyuuun, that's only mean one thing. "Jadi!?", serobot saya. "Alot jempot Dinda lah lot. Kalau gak ada yang jemput gak boleh keluar..". Saya pun menjelaskan keadaan yang sebenarnya bahwa diriku akan mengajar lagi dalam 1, 75 jam lagi. Kapalo! Siap ngomong gitu, saya berasa tidak enak. "Yaudahlah Dinda.. tunggu ya"

Semua editan selesai, dan mulailah saya mengeprint dan meng.copy. Jugruk jugruk...jugruk jugruk bunyi printer meutuah punya abang rental. Hehehhehe.
Time to pay now. "Padup dek?" tanya saya sama si penjaga warung,.. edo do eee, warung!?
"16.000 kak", jawabnya. Dengan gaya santai kaedah saya buka tas cari uang.. genjreeeeeng... Ternyata oh ternyata uang yang ada cuma selembar 10 ribuan. Whaaaaaa. Saya tidak hilang akal, maka semua isi tas saya keluarkan disitu, di depan adek-adek(ntah iya pun adek, sang tuha jih ngoen loen) yang jaga rental. Ketemu... selembar 2000an, 2 lembar seribuan.. Kiban cara... 2000 teuk pat tamita. Kapalo!! jreng jreng.. Buka kotak pingsil. Ghegheghegeh.... ada recehan disana, satu koin 1000 dan 2 koin 500. PAS!! HOREEEEEEEE. Achievement. Survive donk.. Dah bongkar tas gini.

SEnang kaedah kawan, padahal masalah nunggu tepat 500 meter dari situ. Maka sountrack film horor pun dimulai. Auuuuuuuuuuuu (kaedah suara serigala)

Kencang laju motor kutancapkan kaedah.. Sampai tiba-tiba... Tiba-tiba... Dug..dug...dug.. Kamate honda loen di teungoh jalan. Alah mak oi, kiban nyoe. Dengan sigap (terlambat sigapnya neng) saya buka tanki motor, ngintip. Berharap ada satu dua tetes yang nyempil. Cukuplah buat sampe sekolah Dinda. Pan disana si Dinda pasti ada uang (alot mumang). Masih santai... Theeeeeng... begitu dicek, bek han sititep, me si.lieh ludah than. Kapalo lom... Kiban nyoe. Barulah panik menyerang. Liat jam, sudah 1.30. Buka lagi dompet, berharap ada keajaiban ada uang nyelip disana. Ceng ceeng. Padahal tadinya satu tas sudah dikeluarin. Ternyata uang pun sudah benar2 ludes. Panik memasuki stadium 2. Cek hp dengan niat mau telpon Dinda. Jegreng jegreng ternyata pulsa seretoh rupia. Nyan baaaaan. Kamekarat nyoe. Call me pun diaktifkan, dan termakan lah pulsa yang sudah tak seberapa mana itu. Sebelum saya sadar bahwa ternyata pulsa segitu bisa mematikan koneksi internet walaupun kuota masih sejuta sekalipun. Whaaaa. Sebelum koneksi internet mati, cuma satu kalimat yang sempat terkirim ke si Amsal, sepupu saya "Sal... tulong kak UPik".... di ujung sana, tepatnya di Lamreung, pesan masuk dan heniiiiing. Si Amsal pun tak bergegas jak telepon loeng, HIyaaaaaaak. Tertahe tahe lah saya disitu selama 10 menit. Berpikir dan menangis (feel helpless ). I was in the middle of nowhere. Dengoen aneuk di sikula saket.

Terlihat lah kiosk orang jualan pulsa. "Nyaaan...nyoe payah lake tuloeng bak gob mekat pulsa". "Memelas stadium akhir" activated, seraya memisahkan diri dengan yang namanya "malu" dan "integritas diri sebagai manusia dewasa yang hati-hati". Si adek meutuah itu pun... Tidak bergeming. "Maaf kak. hana jeut bantu", katanya. Dan tertahe tahe episode kedua bersambung, diselingi iklan moe moe iem. Entah si adek tu gak sanggup liat, ntah bingung, dia pun akhirnya bertanya, "Nomornya kak?". Whaaaaaaaaaaaaa. Achievement loem, Berhasil! Begitu pulsa masuk si Amsal pun saya telpon lagi. "Sal... pat kheuh?" tanya saya dan sambil menjelaskan keadaan.

Amaaaaan pikir saya sambil menunggu the hero coming to help. 5 menit...10 menit...15 menit.. Phat aneuk metuah nyan? Setiap ada anak cowok lewat saya kira Amsal. "Sal...nyopat kak Upik" teriak saya sambil dada dada... ternyata bukan. Sudah lebih 6 honda yang saya "salah sangka kan". Cape deeee.

Akhirnya saya pun menelpon Mamak. "O maaaaaaaak..." mulai saya sambil menjelaskan keadaan yang clueless dan hopeless itu. Hehehhe, tentu saja pakai iklan "tears of heaven" (beuh pane from heaven!!)

Akhirnya ada sepupu yang lain, Mirza, yang jemput si Dinda ke sekolah berkat "titah" mamak. Maka menunggu Amsal pun dilanjutkan. Jreng.... Dia datang... tak tahan saya tak tersenyum... wheeeeeeee. Saya selamat. Ipetebiet peng le si Amsal lage aneuk muda India. Dibaye adek pulsanyan. Dikeluarkan plastik sekilo berisi minyak bensin, dan dituanglah ke dalam tangki yang sudah haus sejak dari tadi. (seriously... this part I call lebay bin alay).

Kabereh! Beuh pane bereh, jam sudah14.35 dan jam 15.00 saya masih harus ngajar. Oh Noooooooo. Again!? Balap lagi sampe rumah, "Maaaaaak... pasoe bue lam ploek, pajoh di tempat les mantoeng". berganti lah baju saya dengan baju yang baru saya sadari justru waktu saya selesai mengajar 3,5 jam kedepan. Baju gembel yang kebesaran dan kedodoran. Tapi tak apalah. Selesai. Ngajar sampai jam 18.30 dan saya meluncur pulang (when I say "meluncur", I literally mean "meluncur", because my speed is always around 70 to 90 km/hr_only when I ride alone)

Maghrib pun terasa lebih nikmat dan tenang. Asiiik. sampai dua ibu-ibu paruh baya datang tepat sesudah maghrib. "Pik...tolong lah edit skripsi ibu". Jreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeng. 2 ya ngoen! 2!! Whaaa. kakeuhlah. Dengar ibu-ibu tu ngomong panjang lebar masalah skripsi. Ya Tuhan. Udah berumur juga ya yang buat skripsi ini, kenapa disusahin!? Kasihan lah woi... Heran

Pulanglah mereka berdua setelah dua jam lebih. Dan godam pun berdentang di kepala saya. Saat saya lagi santai-santai tidur, Bruuuuuk... suara orang jatuh! apa lagi ni!?
Ternyata oh ternyata...Kakak tertua saya pingsan sodara-sodara! Di kamar mandi. Whaaaaaaaaa. Gak ada laki satupun di rumah, sedang keluar semua. Kapalo! Berempat dengan Mak, Kakak saya yang lain, dan sepupu perempuan, kami angkat si kakak ke dalam.

Fiuuuuuuuuh...... setelah si kakak sadar...
Masalah barupun entah berakhir, entah dimulai lagi. Yang jelas malam itu, tidur serasa dalaaam.
Rabu horor itu pun berakhir dengan pagi Kamis yang lebih dahsyat lagi.

Nyan ban cerita loen tuan... ^^

Lamreung, 21 September 2013

I've been dating and about to break up

For more than two years, I've been dating him. No one knows. No one seems to notice. As most of relationship ever built, I love him. So much, that I can stop smiling when it comes about him. I like every part of him. I know how it's hard sometimes for me to meet him. Yeah...in fact, we're meeting every night before I go to sleep, when I wake up. And he just knows how to boost my mood. Hopes that he gives are just so great for me to ignore. There's not even a day I stop thinking about him. he is my inspiration. The fuel for my hard days in the weeks. He is every reason I stay up late every night.

There were times when he was ready to live with me the whole life ahead. I trusted him, I believed the words. And to make it worse, he said it so many times and failed to prove it, but I still believe him. With all of my love. I love him with every breath that makes me alive.

Now... I'm just too tired to wait for those words to be come true. Now.. and the end of this year, I know that we will break up. Though it's not him that wants this all, I am the one who got too scared to live without him.

Today, he can't make it true again...like most of the times we spend together, he came to me with joy but then he slapped me on the face with the fact, still when I put a smile on my face. How pathetic.

These two years past, I find my life so exciting to live on, with him on my side. And now, when I decide to leave him soon.. I wonder where life will turn me to.

He is still there, that is the fact. I'm the one who is leaving away. Running from him, and I know no matter how far I run away from him, he will always be there waiting for me to come back in his arms.

He is my love. And his name is Dream. Dream of getting higher education.

Today I got a very tough words from a friend. He said, maybe it's not you that is wrong, maybe it's just not your time, or maybe it's not your path, it is just not your way to walk through. Yeah...maybe I have to come to realize that sometimes to let go just ease your way. And I know it, that it is my fault to expect too much. That it is my fault, to let my dream manipulating my entire life. I can't control it. I grab it to tight that it always slips away of my hand. And maybe, I just have to release it free.. let my dream be free...

I've been dating... with my dream, but now...we're about to break up.

Ulee Kareng, August 1, 2013Song for Mia

Week 3- Being a First Grader Teacher

School year has just begun. All students were in the class, excited. There were only two new students on the sight. The rest come from the same kindergarten, this school too.

I have been teaching here since 2011. That's what some people or even teachers here don't know about. Maybe because, I wasn't here along the days, only once  week. I first taught as religion and Arabic teacher, though I graduated from English Department. I know the basic in Arabic and Religion for kids, so I agreed to teach here. Months passed, and I come and leave to this school for several times. As sub at most of the time. Now, I feel privileged yet challenged to handle the grade 1 where most of students graduated from the same school. I have met those kids before, long when they were in Kindergarten 1, two years before when I was their class adviser for two months straight. Therefore, I thought it's not gonna be that hard to deal with. Alas... I was totally wrong.

I forgot the fact that this is their very early stage in adapting a new system from Kindergarten to elementary. That is not something unimportant to be concerned about.

They now, have abundant subjects to deal with. Don't ask me, I don't like this fact too. I hate the fact that education in most of developing countries tend to ignore that kids are kids. Beside getting so many subjects to master, they  still need their times to have fun. This is not my part to complain about, but to adapt it in my own way. And this is a point where I, as a teacher should elaborate and think hard how those "subjects" can be absorbed by the kids without causing "over-burdened" feelings or "harm". I mention "harm" in here, because I am one who believe that the most important phase in constructing students' academic skills begin when they are so young. Wrong turns in approaches and methods are just gonna lead those kids into the studying habits that no one seems to expect. Unfortunately, I saw it this week.

The first two weeks seemed to be okay, I thought I just need to have teacher-student conference after school with students who need more practice. Again, this is just not enough. 

This week, most of the subjects I reviewed should actually shows improvement, yet most of them found it is okay to memorize, but when it comes to writing. They messed up. I messed up. I wonder what makes those brilliant kids end up this way. But then I come to realize, they were taught to memorize before, not to understand. However, they show excellent penmanship and speaking skill. Yeah... they are way beyond great in speaking. I mean for the kids at their ages whose first language are not English.

Now, I feel like I have to start the very new, effective way in getting into their minds. And I do believe, building such good psychological relationships are so important. Kids need to feel comfortable first with their teachers. I have to make them like me first to get their attention. Once they like me, it's just that easy  for me to conduct any approach or method in teaching them. 

Last... I feel so sorry, terribly sorry for some of the kids that need more attention from their parents. Needless to say, they all come from different way in parenting. And that leads to something crucial. No matter how great I am as a teacher, it is a certainty that no goals will be achieved without parents' supports.

 pic from http://lifeinfirstgrade1.blogspot.com/

Setengah Jalan, Penuhnya cerita di 2013

Serasa  sudah lamaaaa sekali saya tidak mem.post satu pun tulisan. Dan saya adalah tipe yang suka mengumpulkan ide menulis atau draft yang kemudian dipublish sekalian.

Dimulai dari bulan Maret. Saat itu adalah saat saya kembali bangkit dari jatuh yang teramat jatuh akibat dua tamparan yang boleh dibilang sangat keras. Saya dikhianati oleh mimpi saya sendiri. Gagal untuk saat itu. Dua fakta sakit yang luar biasa buat saya, tapi toh sekarang saya jadi merasa lebih kuat karenanya. Ya, saya percaya seorang kuli bangunan tidak lah sekuat itu kalau dia tidak "terpaksa" bekerja keras banting-tulang setiap harinya. Keharusan dan proses yang membuatnya jadi kuat. Analogi yang sama yang selalu saya terapkan ke diri sendiri. Terus mencoba, lagi dan lagi. kita tidak tahu sejauh mana kita bisa berlari kalau mengambil langkah saja sudah enggan.

Beberapa bulan kebelakang, saya sangat bersyukur. Banyak teman-teman yang mendukung , menyemangati dan terus mendoakan "perjuangan" panjang ini. Sebagian besar adalah teman-teman seperjuangan. "Pemburu-pemburu" tangguh dan unik yang Tuhan jumpakan dengan saya dalam kesempatan yang tak pernah terbayang sebelumnya. Manusia-manusia luar biasa yang selama dua tahun terakhir terus menemani minggu terberat, tergila, terbosan, dan terindah dalam hidup saya. Namun, ada beberapa teman-teman yang baru saya kenal, lagi dalam Ijin Tuhan yang tak pernah terduga sebelumnya. IjinNya jugalah tersimpan banyak cerita dengan mereka. Luar biasa.

Akhir Maret merupakan pengalaman unik dan berharga sendiri bagi saya. Banyak hal baru yang saya lakukan untuk pertama kalinya. Petualangan, keputusan-keputusan berat, keteguhan-keteguhan hati, sampai penolakan-penolakan tegas yang sampai sekarang, saya pribadi terus bergelut agar Sang Pembolak-balik hati dengan Kasih sayangnya menyelamatkan saya dari jatuh yang teramat dalam.

Bulan-bulan terakhir jelas bukanlah bulan-bulan buruk dalam hidup saya. Kecuali awal Juli, saat saya lagi-lagi dikecewakan mimpi sendiri. Uh... memang perjuangan ini butuh nyali dan "kebebalan". Being persistence adalah kunci mencapai "mau".

MIMPI adalah Bahan bakar untuk terus hidup. Tanpa mimpi, tanpa tujuan, hidup hanyalah hidup yang beruujung mati. Tak berarti,...

Kaleuh Kukaloen! Peu lom

Sudahlah ya... Sudah kukaloen haba gobnyan. Kaleuh kulengoe ban mandum jih, tapi memang chiet bukoen raseuki loen. Peu keneuk takaji ilee. Adak takliek u langet ijoe pieh, ata buet kaleuh kepeu taingat loem. Daleh pieh uloen tuan ka redha.

Di awak droueneuh pih, tuloeng bek lah teuoh2 blah nyan le bak uloen. Brat ulee bak uloen tuan pikee. Haek loen karat that, kadang koen watee. Jadi bak masa nyoe, uloen nak mita raseuki mantoeng ilee. Kadang pih bak paduem buleun ikee kaibalek lom seumangat, baroe tateuoh loem. Nyoe bak hat nyoe, tapiyoeh ilee siat.

Nibak syedara-syedara loen yang meutuah... Yang kha neupike keu loen... Bak TUhan Azza Wajala keuh loen peutroeh doa.. Semoga tanyoe ban manduem seulamat bak padang masya. Man yang ka "get" pike keu loen, dan kasalah haba... Alhamdulillah ngoen Amin Ya Rabbal Alamiin yang jeut loen tuan keun. Mungken nyan jeut keu doa yang jroeh keu uloen supaya bek gadoeh seumangat bak meumita sikula pre loem.

Bak ureung chik uloen tuan... Loen lakee meuah ban saboeh langet ngoen donya. Haek uloen tuan balah jasa droeuneuh ban dua. Adak pieh loen koeh badan sikrak-krak nak bayeu jasa droeneuh, tetap han sep sep. Mak... Bapak...loen lakee meuah, weeh  hatee loen kha hana sengaja loen peusaket hatee droeuneuh dengoen that that loen moe.

JAdiiiii...........uloen tuan hana pakoen2 lee...
Alhamdulillah pujoe keu RAbbi...

AllahuAkbar....      

HUff

Aku bangun pagi ini, membuka mata, dan hal pertama yang terlintas adalah begitu berat hari-hari yang telah kulalui. Begitu menyakitkannya fakta yang kudapat kemarin sore.

Orang bilang, hari cerah mu diawali dengan senyuman di pagi hari dan aku membayangkan, mungkin ke depannya dalam waktu dekat, tak akan ada senyum lagi di pagi hari. Sebanyak apapun orang di sekelilingmu menyemangati dan mengatakan ada hikmah dibalik semua garis yang telah ditentukan, tetap saja kau butuh waktu untuk bangkit. Waktu untuk merenungi dan waktu untuk menerima bahwa ini adalah yang terbaik yang telah tuhan rencanakan untukmu.

Pernah berencana, menghujat semua ynag telah menarikku jauh kemari. Kalau lantas kalian mengira aku tak pantas, kenapa justru menggiringku kemari dari awalnya. Kenapa lantas buat aku berharap banyak. Kelak jangan harap aku mencoba lagi hal yang sama. Tapi benarkah demikian? Bukan.. bukan mereka yang salah. Mungkin aku Cuma manusia tolol yang terlalu percaya diri, atau manusia tengik yang terlalu sombong, dan saat ini Tuhan sedang menamparku, keras...lantas aku... bersabar dan tabah adalah jalan yang sekarang mau tak mau harus kujalani.

Skenario lain adalah.. aku kembali ke masa-masa sulit meyakini diri bahwa setiap orang berhak mencoba kesempatan kedua. Setiap orang berhak melakukan kegagalan, toh kita Cuma manusia. Datang dan keluar dari tempat yang hina. Membawa kotoran dalam perut kemana-mana. Menjadi salah...menjadi gagal, sudah jadi ketentuan yang harus kita hadapi kalau tidak hari ini, mungkin besok, kalau tidak besok mungkin nanti. Setiap orang punya porsi yang sama, yang akan didapat dalam waktu yang berbeda.

Tapi lagi-lagi... apakah aku sekuat ini, sebijak ini. Bohong kalau ada yang bilang aku bisa langsung bangkit saat godam kenyataan ini menghantamku jatuh ke dasar bumi. Bohong kalau malam mampu mengobati sakit hati yang perihnya mungkin akan bertahan sampai aku lupa. Lupa? Bohong kalau orang bilang aku bisa lupa dengan semua yang telah kukorbankan. Kuusahakan dan hasilnya....nihil.

Ada pemikiran yang mengatakan, orangyang tangguh lahir tidak sedemikiannya. Mereka ditempa waktu dan zaman, mereka jadi tangguh karena mereka belajar menerima kenyataan hidup yang akan sulit bagi sebagian besar orang lainnya. Tapi, apa iya aku setangguh ini? Apa iya aku sekuat ini? Apa iya!?

Memutar kembali saat aku pertama kali mengetahui kenyataan ini kudapat. Menyaksikan lagi cara ku menumpahakan marah tempo hari, menangis dan berteriak di tengah alam... Marah? Siapa yang sebenarnya sedang kuhujat? Siapa sebenarnya yang sedang kutantang. TUHan!? Manusia? Aku?

Menyedihkan.. menyedihkan dan memprihatinkan. Perempuan dungu yang gagal dua kali dalam hal yang sama sekali sama. Lantas berlari jauh, menyendiri dan meneriaki alam? Alam? Semesta punya salah apa terhadapku? Menangis!? Apa yang sebenarnya kutangisi? Gagal? Semua orang pernah gagal... sakit? Semua orang pernah sakit. Kecewa? Semua orang juga sama.

Hikmah? Huh... hikmah.... maaf, mungkin sekarang hujatku pada hikmah akan lebih kentara ketimbang syukurku akannya. Mungkin nanti aku terima. Tapi sekarang... mungkin menangis satu-satunya obat terbaikku. Kekecewaan yang teramat dalam ini. Kepahitan yang harus kutelan walau aku tak suka.

TUHan.... sebenarnya sedang tunjukkan aku apa? Sebenarnya sedang ajarkan aku apa? Apa aku terlalu berdosa? Apa aku tak pantas dapatkan ini semua? Sebenarnya sedang rencanakan aku apa?

Ini yang terbaik...ini yang terbaik.... tau apa? Sejak kapan manusia bisa menyetarakan gagal dan baik dalam satu garis yang sama. Gagal itu buruk...selamanya buruk. Baik hanya cara kita memberi diri kesempatan kedua. Bagiku, ini kesempatan kedua dan aku... gagal lagi.

MasyaAllah... Tuhan.. sedang ajarkan aku apa? Bukankah kemarin aku telah alami yang serupa? Bukankah kemrin aku berkubang dengan ini semua? Apa aku harus sekuat ksatria? Untuk apa? Aku tak perlu sekuat mereka. Aku Cuma perempuan cengeng biasa yang pura-pura kuat, pura-pura tegar...tapi aku Cuma manusia biasa...

Ajarkan aku apa?? Kuharap waktu mampu pulihkan ini semua,..dan pada akhirnya memang hikmah itu yang Kau ajarkan padaku yang mampu kuterima.

This is not the end!!

I started this fight in 2011.
ADS 2011 is my first challenge. I didn't know anything about Australia at that time, but then I decided to learn, to be prepared. Still in 2011, there was Taiwan Higher Education Expo held in my campus. I applied again, hoping I had the opportunity to be interviewed at place. But then, the committee told me that English student should not be sent to Taiwan, they offered me USA which was great news for me. While I was waiting the shortlisted candidates for ADS, I took some tests in LPSDM, written test, and interview. I passed it, and they said what I had to do next is waiting. Desember 2011 another good news came, I had been shortlisted and guess what.... I had no idea what IELTS was, and how the interview was about to be.

Somehow... I blamed myself at that time that I didn't prepared my best, that I didn't studied hard like other candidates. It proved me right, I failed the interview. I wasted like a month being grumpy.

it was on 2012 that I tried to applied for another three scholarships and 1 for ADS, again.
I can't recall which scholarship needs more efforts than others, but all scholarships required different documents. NZ-Scholarship is one of which required every applicant to send some important documents. The other scholarship was Fulbright. I didn't expect much since I applied with the minimum TOEFL score required. DAAD was the last scholarship in that year.

Still in the same year, I found the three scholarships I applied didn't want me at the time (hahhahahah)..

And another news come from LPSDM that the language training was about to start on NOvember. I was so glad to hear that. Finally...

And during the training, I got that email that said I had been shortlisted again for ADS. I prepared both like ....I don't know. I lost 7 kg of my weights which is great news. And I have more and more tests to take...

and today...just 2 days after that news on the local newspaper about our local government scholarship, I find that I failed it again...the ADS scholarship. HUffff....

It feels like all efforts I have done never seems enough for this time, I screamed... I cried just like someone cried over his beloved one's died. But then what, does it change everything? Does it mean I have to stop this fight? I do know that I need holiday, like...soon...but then what? I shouldn't stop. I shouldn't ... I must not...

THis year.... I start it all over again... If I fail again, I will fight again...

Rome wasn't build in a day. Maybe it's not the right time to get that.

AJA AJA/.... Fighting...!!!!

I wanna SCREAM

With some other fellows, I have been waiting since 2011. Hopes..expectations..sacrifices.. it’s not like the world ends now,but, I feel terribly dissapointed. It’s like you are being dumped not knowing what your faults are. I WANNA SCREAM! crying out loud.. Shout at their faces!! punch them till I dont have more energy to do so.. But..who I am.. what I am..makes it impossible, in this land of ‘pride and lies’.. whatever you say,even it’s true..never changes anything.. coz I am..nothing..

Pilihan

Since when, we never feel that we’ve already got more than enough Since when, we think that we’re just okay and blaming others for their mistakes.. Kita berjalan pada jalan yang sama pada awalnya. Setengah berlari, setengah berjalan. Setengah memburu, maju, sementara yang lain diam. Sementara yang lain menoleh ke belakang, ingin kembali. Dan kita anggap itu pulang? Ada hari dimana aku berjalan, benar-benar berjalan dengan kaki-kakiku. Dengan penampilan yang tak ingin dikenali. Ada hari dimana aku merasakan angin kota ini sendirian, hanya aku. Merenungi sesuatu yang salah sedang terjadi. Bukan sesuatu, mungkin semua... Keresahan dan kekosongan menumpuki hati... tertimbun, tertimbun... kesakitan. Sesak oleh mauku... Tak ada yang benar-benar tahu, apakah inilah hidup yang benar-benar kita mau. Kadang kamupun tak tahu. Sesat di jalan-jalan yang kadang kamu pun tak kehendaki tuk lewati. Tapi beginilah hidup, hidupmu, hidupku, hidup kita. Tersingkirkan dari mereka yang merasa sudah mendapat yang mereka cari. Senyum kebahagiaan yang naif, dan pada lain waktu, mereka sama saja. Kita semua sama saja. Kita semua sama saja. Beban yang kita dapat terus menerus memberati hati, seolah bahagia hanyalah mimpi. Beban yang kadang kita buat sendiri. Saat orang dewasa mengatakan tuk terus bermimpi, kaupun bermimpi... lupa kadang mimpimu terlalu tingggi, menghempasmu jatuh... dalam kosong. Membuatmu takut tuk mencoba lagi. Menjadi seperti ini, menjadi seperti itu.. Kadang aku berpikir, aku harus berhenti melakukan semua ini. Menyisakan waktu hanya untukku. Untuk diriku saja. Berhenti mengajar, kukira adalah jalan keluar dari kepenatan dan beban. Tapi ternyata, aku semakin jatuh. Aku gagal. Guru jelas bukan akses yang cepat untuk mencapai apa yang mereka sebut gelimang harta. Jelas bukan cara untuk mendapatan prestise yang melejit bak bintang. Menjadi guru, kadang kau dilupakan, bahkan tanpa rasa terimakasih. Menjadi guru kadang kau harus merelakan hari-harimu, menjadi satu-satunya alasan bagi mereka, untuk sedikit saja merasa berarti. Atau malah sebaliknya, menjadi guru, berarti mengganti hari-harimu yang berharga dan menukarnya dengan kehancuran bagi mereka. Menjadi guru, artinya memilih, menjadi oase atau lubang hitam bagi anak-anak yang tersesat, merindukan pertolongan. 07032012, 2.03 am

aku dan ke.aku.an.ku

Terlibat dalam training pelatihan selama hampir 3 bulan ini telah memberikanku banyak sekali pelajaran. Dari semua pelajaran yang berharga yang kudapat,ternyata mengenal perbedaan karakter.lah yang sangat mengena. Ada beberapa tipe orang yang benar2 baru kudapati sekarang. Tipe2 yang kadang membuatku ternganga heran,mendecak kagum,dan ada yang bahkan membuatku terdiam.. Diluar itu semua,aku menghadapi keadaan2 dimana keegoisanku pribadi sangat kentara. Manusiawikah? Entahlah.. Mengejar,melakukan,memilih,memaksakan.. kadang semua ini terpaket sempurna dalam ambisi2 terpendam yang jauh2 hari kusadari,namun..pada akhirnya aku merasa terlalu rakus dalam hidup. Kurang memaknai momen2 yang justru di hadapan. Malah menjatuhi aku dan diriku,masalah2 yang sama sekali baru. Bukan jarang aku menampik ketaksanggupan,dan dengan pongahnya merasa bisa. Mereka bilang ini Percaya Diri. Bukan tak pernah aku mengacuhkan hujat cela dan lantas merasa akulah yang benar. Mereka bilang itu Pembelaan diri. Sering aku terisak karena lelah yang teramat sangat,namun menampik kenyataan bahwa sebenarnya ini adalah mauku. Ini adalah pilihanku. Namun, dengan alasan cengeng,lantas bersuara..aku toh manusia,silapku seperti bayanganku. Saat cahaya mendatangi,maka kesalahanpun membayangi,mencari celah. Aku toh manusia..biasa... begitu merasa bersalah,dengan mudahnya mengira kata maaf bisa selesaikan semua.. Aku toh manusia.. Yang tak pernah bisa ringan hati mengaku,kadang ke.aku.an.ku terlalu kentara..